Maximum Bob

One thing you want to avoid in life is the stodgy burger bun. These rolls, or baps, are just too soft and starchy. The original burger, as invented, was served up between two slices of toasted bread. This is where you need to start. The ideal burger loaf is the Milk Roll:

A couple of slices of this in your toaster, and you’re partway there.

Next, you need to get the best possible burger. These are, without a doubt, Birdseye 100% Beef quarter pounders. The packaging states that they’re “lightly seasoned” and “ideal for BBQ.” And indeed they are. These burgers are better than fresh ones from the chilled cabinet, better than home-made, better than farm shop ones, better than any I’ve ever tried. Top chefs recommend them.

So stick them on your barbecue, but do not put them directly above the flames. The trick to perfect barbecuing is the foil tray. You will find these in Tesco (£1.49 for 3) or Woolworth’s (£1.99), and maybe elsewhere. Sainsbury’s don’t do them, though. Cook all your food on these, and you won’t have problems with burning, and the Charred-But-Still-Raw Barbecue Classic. Using the foil tray will transform your barbecue experience.

That’s three essential tips: toasted Milk Roll, Birdseye 100% Beef Quarter Pounders, and the foil tray.

Here’s how I assemble mine:
1. Set the burgers to cook on the foil tray on the BBQ.
2. Meanwhile, prepare some green salad and slice a tomato (or two, depending on quantities).
3. Toast the milk roll.
4. Spead mayonnaise or the dressing of your choice on the milk roll
5. Place the cooked burger on one slice of the toasted bread
6. You may want a slice of cheese. I tend not to, because of the excess fat thing, and because these burgers are so delicious that you don’t want to mask the flavour with cheese.
7. Add a slice of tomato (I always cover them in black pepper too)
8. Top with a bit of green salad.
9. Finish with the second slice of toasted milk roll.
10. Eat. You will be tempted to wolf it down because it is so delicious, but try to slow down!